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Welcome, apprentice. I, Webediah, Wizard of Wares and Configuration Extraordinaire (Mr. Web for short) henceforth task you with protecting this operating system against malicious forces unknown. Ponder incoming downloads in my Orb of Scrying, banish malevolent files, dispel pop-ups, and be sure to manage your CPU usage efficiently—lest the Purple Screen of Demise befall you…
